Key Text: “There is a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance…” (Ecclesiastes 3:4)
From our childhoods, we all receive spoken and unspoken messages from our parents. One common unspoken message that often pervades conservative Christian homes is to be happy all the time. Our churches inadvertently give these messages as well, such as the lyrics for many of our children’s songs. For example, the song that says, “I’m in right, out right, up right, down right, happy all the time.” So if I’m a Christian, am I supposed to be “happy all the time?”
As a counselor, I often have clients who are so out of touch with their own negative emotions. In fact, they are unable to answer a simple question such as, “Tell me a recent time that you felt sad or frustrated.” Instead they will reply, “Well I try to just stay happy and ignore any negative feelings.” So is this state of denial healthy? As parents, is this shallow happiness what we want to instill in our children? And is this message any different than the message that the world is sending?
It’s interesting because our secular culture portrays a similar, hedonistic message, that the point of life is to “live and let live” or similarly, “carpe diem” (“seize the day.”) Our movies say “follow your heart” or “do whatever makes you happy.” And so often in secular circles, you still find a false sense of happiness with live-in-the-moment little joys (ex. “gotta get my coffee fix for the day”).
Many times it seems that whether you are in Christian or secular circles, there is this shallow sense of community where the only acceptable emotion is happiness. But as Christians, we should be different.
When Jesus was on earth, was He happy all the time? No, He wasn’t. In fact, John 11:35 tells us that “Jesus wept” after his close friend Lazarus passed away. He wept for his friends who were mourning around Him, but likely also wept for those that did not believe in His power to resurrect.
Similarly, in the Bible we find all of the following emotions linked to Jesus:
“Jesus felt compassion; he was angry, indignant, and consumed with zeal; he was troubled, greatly distressed, very sorrowful, depressed, deeply moved, and grieved; he sighed; he wept and sobbed; he groaned; he was in agony; he was surprised and amazed; he rejoiced very greatly and was full of joy; he greatly desired, and he loved.” (taken from: http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/1997/february3/7t2042.html)
So if Jesus experienced all types of emotions, then why do we think that negative emotions are sinful? In addition, all types of emotions are referenced throughout the Bible. For example, “Be anxious for nothing.” Question: How can I be anxious for nothing if I don’t take the time to recognize my own anxiety?
You see, there are two main reasons that I believe God wants us to admit to our negative emotions. For one thing, that is what surrender is all about. For example, Ephesians 4:26 says, “In your anger do not sin.” Notice that the anger itself is not the sin, but dealing with that anger in an unhealthy way is a sin. So therefore we need to own up to the anger and then many times surrender that anger to God.
Secondly, I believe God wants us to own up to our negative emotions so that we can experience true community. Romans 12:15 says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” How can I weep with someone if I have never experienced my own sadness and grief? It is through going through our own dark valleys that we are able to sit with others in their dark valleys. In addition, many times God uses others to help us through our own trials.
Lastly, Ecclesiastes 3:4 tells us, “(There is) a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance…” If you are honest with yourself, what time is it for you right now? Don’t be afraid of facing your sadness or you’re anger. For in facing it, that is how you surrender, how you overcome, and how you experience true community with those around you.
