Month: June 2021

“He must become greater; I must become less.” John 3:30

As a mother, I often feel like I am “failing” or “falling short” in some way. Sometimes it hits me multiple times a day…

It could be that I notice another one of my son’s weaknesses, which I immediately blame myself for. I think, “Maybe I should’ve held him more and he wouldn’t be so fussy” or “Maybe I should’ve disciplined him more and he wouldn’t be so argumentative” or “Maybe I shouldn’t coddle him so much and he wouldn’t be so clingy.” You get the point. The list goes on and on. I often blame myself for any and all of the shortcomings of my children.

I also often blame myself for any mess within the home. I think, “Man, I should’ve found more time to clean more of the house today” or “Man, why can’t I keep up with the dishes better? Something’s not right if I always have a sink full of dirty dishes.”

Other things that I may blame myself for: not spending enough time in play with my children, not ignoring my children enough, letting my kids watch too much TV, not reading enough to my kids, letting my kids snack, not making them enough healthy meals, not disciplining them enough or in the right way, and the list goes ON AND ON.

Before becoming a parent, I never found myself blaming myself for SO many things in my life! It seems that if something isn’t right on the mark with my children, my marriage, or my home, then I blame myself.

But here’s the thing…maybe God doesn’t expect perfection – in my marriage, in my parenting, or in my home. As John 3:30 depicts, “He must become greater; I must become less.” Maybe through it all, He expects more of HIM and less of ME. That means more of His GRACE and more of His ABILITY (not mine).

In other words, when I notice a weakness in some area of my child, my marriage, or my home, instead of beating myself up for it, I need to surrender that issue to immediately to Him.

For example, my prayer could be, “Dear God, I see that my child has an issue of indulgence. Please sanctify Him of this issue. Please guide me in effective ways to manage this behavior, but ultimately I know that You are the one who changes hearts, not me. Therefore I surrender my son’s sin to You. Cover it with YOUR grace and restore Him to Your character. I give him to You. Amen.”

If I notice a weakness within myself, yes I need to always strive to improve, but I also need to extend myself more GRACE and also more TRUST. Instead of, “You should’ve done better or you should’ve known better,” I can pray, “Dear God, I know that I am not as firm as I need to be with my children sometimes, but I also know that You don’t shame me for that, so help me not to shame myself. I know that You are working in my life to sanctify me and grow me. Give me wisdom and discernment for when to be firm and when to be loving. Help me to be in tune with you as I go throughout the day. Help me to continue to strive for growth in this area, without giving in to a sense of shame and doubt. Grow me in my firmness and consistency in discipline. I trust You in this process. And in the meantime, make up the difference in the characters of my children. In Your name I pray, Amen.”

As a parent, we are often tempted to take the place of God – by casting judgment on ourselves and on our children, by taking responsibility for every little thing, and so on. But at the end of the day, we need to remember that we are NOT God. Rather, we are simply broken vessels that He uses. The more we surrender our selves, our marriages, and our children to God, the more He can finish the work.

Lately, I have really been convicted on this point – that I do way too much thinking and not enough praying. All day long I need to utter prayers of confession and prayers of surrender. After all, prayer is so much more effective than blaming myself for things.

Going forward, may I do more PRAYING and less BLAMING. May my home be filled with more of Him and less of me.

“In His defense Jesus said to them, “My Father is always at His work to this very day, and I too am working.” John 5:17

As a stay-at-home mother of three little ones – I am quite busy taking care of the kids and the house. Throughout the day there aren’t many breaks, and as soon as I sit down, I usually have to get up quickly to put out another “fire” – clean up a mess, comfort a crying child, intercede in a fight, etc. The tasks of the day are never done – from changing diapers, getting kids dressed (and re-dressed), cooking meals, feeding the kids, putting someone down for a nap, doing the dishes, putting away the laundry, etc. Often it feels that I’m a rat on a spinning wheel that just can’t catch up to what’s in front of her. It seems the “work is never done,” as they say.

Despite all this, my busyness somehow evades my children. No matter how messy the kitchen (dishes piled up to the faucet), how dirty the floor (mud tracks everywhere), how many clothes to fold (enough piled on the bed to hide someone for weeks), my kids seem to always think that I have the time – the time to chit chat, time to play, time to run around, etc. Often times I will literally be in the middle of serving them in ONE way, such as cooking them a meal, when they are asking me to do several other things for them at the same time – “Mommy, can you help put my shoe on?” “Mommy, can you read me a story?” “Mommy, can you build a train with me?” Many times I will stop what I’m doing to help them, but sometimes I’m not able to.

Whenever they ask me to do something for them, many times they can’t see that 1) I’m busy doing something else and 2) that what I’m busy doing is working for them already in some other way.  It’s like my time and my work is completely invisible to them. Developmentally, they are too small to see the big picture and see everything that I’m already doing for them, every minute of every day.

Additionally, many times I’m working on something way ahead of time that they haven’t even sensed their need for yet. For instance, I may start cooking supper at noon (in the pressure cooker) and then at 5:00pm they start bellowing, “Mommy, I’m hungry!” What they don’t know is that I’ve already anticipated their hunger and worked ahead to meet that need.

Similarly, this reminds me of the Bible verse where Jesus said, “My Father is always at His work to this very day, and I too am working” (John 5:17).

Oftentimes, in our relationship with God, we behave just like little children. We constantly see our own needs and wants, ask for those things, and neglect to see that God is already at work – for the needs/wants that we realize, and even for those that we don’t yet realize.

Just as a parent is ALWAYS working for their children, God is ALWAYS, and even more so, working for us. And unlike a human parent who eats, sleeps, and takes breaks, God NEVER takes a break. He is always working hard for us – interceding on our behalf and meeting our present AND future needs.

And like little children, we often don’t see the big picture and don’t appreciate all He is doing on our behalf. Let me assure you that God loves you a million times more than a parent loves his/her child, AND He is much more equipped to provide for YOU than a parent can provide for his/her child.

If only we would realize and remember this more, then perhaps we wouldn’t question Him or circumstances in our lives quite as much. Perhaps we would trust Him, trust that He is ALWAYS working for our good, and that He has already met each felt and unfelt need. He searches the heart and goes so much deeper than a parent ever could.

Maybe your need today is hope, companionship, peace, comfort, rest, or strength. Whatever it is, He is there, He is working, and He will provide.