The Lies of Parenthood

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:32)

The Bible reads, “Whatever is NOT from FAITH is SIN (Romans 14:23),” and what is faith based upon? Faith is based upon TRUTH. If I know something to be true, then I claim it as a promise, no matter how things seem (Hebrews 11:1), and I choose to believe it. So if faith is based upon TRUTH, then sin (or a lack of faith) must be based upon LIES. And according to the Bible, who is the “father of lies?” The devil (John 8:44). Therefore, the devil gets us to sin by feeding us lies, lies that are specific to each aspect of our lives – our identity, our marriage, our parenting, our friendships, and so on. The devil knows that if we believe the lies, and give into the lies, then we sin – either in thought or in action, and as such we are “trapped” in our sin, but we also know that “the truth will set you (us) free” (John 8:23).

In 2 Corinthians 10:5-6, Paul wrote, “We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete.” In these verses Paul is making a strong connection between OBEDIENCE and our THOUGHTS. So often we think that sin is just action, but most often, sin begins with our thoughts, thoughts which are based in lies.

The book that really opened my eyes to this fact is called “Lies Women Believe” by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth. For anyone interested in hearing more on this subject, I highly encourage you to read this book, as Nancy lays out very specific lies that apply to each aspect of our lives. (Disclaimer: I have used some of these lies from the book in the lies that I’ve outlined below.)

Because sin is based upon lies, and lies take place in our thinking, then to combat sin we must identify these lies right as they come (which can really only happen through the wisdom and guidance of the Holy Spirit) and speak truth against these lies. So therefore, we must get to know 1) the LIES and 2) the TRUTH. So what lies are you tempted to believe as a parent? And what is the truth?

There are many different lies that the devil brings, specific to each of us, but there are also many common lies that he uses for many of us. Here are some common lies that I’ve been tempted to believe, and maybe they can be helpful for you to identify as well.

1. “I’m not/she’s not a good mom.”

As a parent, so often we give into lies of comparison. For instance, “I’m a bad mom because I let my child watch more TV than my friend allows for her children.” OR “I’m a better mom than my friend because my children eat healthier foods than her children.”So often we judge ourselves as parents based upon our own standards, or other people’s standards. But really the only standard that matters is God’s standard. Therefore, your value as a mom should come directly from God, and not from how you compare with others.

2. “I can’t do it. It’s too hard.”

Often I am led to believe this lie, doubting my own ability as a mother to appropriately manage my children. But what does the Bible say? That “by myself I can’t do it, but with Christ and His presence, I am able to do much more than I can even think or imagine” (Ephesians 3:20). If we feel like some days are just too hard to manage, then we rely all the more on God and His strength on those days.

3. “I’m responsible for my child’s character formation and salvation.”

As parents, we are TOOLS that God uses to help form our child’s character and help them into the kingdom, but ultimately their character and salvation is up to God. The more we surrender our child’s weaknesses to God in prayer, the more the Holy Spirit can work in their lives to mold and change them. Our job is to guide them and to pray for them, but it is the Lord who carries the burden of their hearts and salvation. We need to constantly remind ourselves that God’s power is still at work within them (Ephesians 3:20).

4. “If I’m not a perfect parent, then I’ve failed God and failed my child.”

Nothing has brought out my sinful nature more than 1) being married and 2) having children. Whether I’m losing my temper at my husband or children, or I’m too quick to blame them for something, I’m constantly reminded of my weaknesses and my worst traits. Additionally, whenever I see the weaknesses of my children, I am very quick to blame myself for those weaknesses, seeing them as my own fault. Despite this fact, my success as a parent does NOT depend on my PERFECTION, but rather it depends on my SURRENDERING my weaknesses to the Lord. If I yell, then seek forgiveness. If I’m unsure, then seek guidance. The Bible reads, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ’s power may rest on me…” (2 Cor. 12:9-10).

5. “Children are a burden” or “My child is so annoying!”

Young children are dependent, needy, noisy, difficult, emotionally driven, and so much more, so on hard days it is very easy to focus on the difficulties and give into the lie that “my children are so annoying.” Additionally, the lie that “children are a burden” is perpetuated by our society and culture, even our Christian culture I would say. Since having three small children, I have received some negative comments regarding how much trouble young kids are, how I need to work to get away from them, and more. Rarely do I find someone who points out the positive traits of my children, or the positives about having young children or having them close together in age. I think it is just part of our culture to see children as a burden. But the Bible reads, “Children are a blessing and a gift from the Lord” (Psalms 127:3). As a result, I need to combat this lie-based thought with the truth that my children are a blessing from God and also that God is still at work in them (Phil. 1:6).

Leave me a comment if you have been tempted to believe any of these lies as well. I’d love to hear more about your journey from lies to truth! 🙂