“An Empty Cup”

“Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave–just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.” Matthew 20:28

I’m sure many of us have heard the phrase, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” Usually it is said in order to motivate someone (especially mothers) to invest more in self-care, activities such as putting on makeup, going to the gym, drinking enough water, and taking time for yourself.  As a professional counselor, I myself have many times tried to encourage people to engage in self-care, even using this phrase, or similar phrasing. In general, I think this IS a healthy concept, but sometimes this phrase can be damaging. Let me explain.

If this is ALL we are ever telling people, then what happens during times in our lives when we CAN’T engage in self-care? Times in our lives when MORE is being asked of us and we ARE pouring from an “empty cup?”

For example, since having my third child, many times I feel as if I AM pouring from an “empty cup.” So far I have not been able to keep up with things as well, or to resume my normal self-care activities, such as wearing makeup everyday, going running, eating regular healthy meals, and drinking lots of water. I also have not been able to engage in my usual hobbies or achieve personal goals. Often this leaves me feeling FRUSTRATED or even GUILTY that I’m NOT engaging in as much self-care. But the reality is that taking care of three young children literally does take ALL of my time and energy, at least for now, especially with some of the random health issues of my third child.

Maybe you have a sick child/parent OR you are going through some other crisis, and the situation is requiring ALL of your time and energy. Usually the situation is temporary, maybe weeks, months, or even years, but during this time you can’t operate like you used to, and you have to buckle down and put someone else’s needs ABOVE your own, without expecting anything in return.

If you are expecting self-care during these times, and don’t get it, you could become RESENTFUL, or perhaps feel GUILTY that you can’t exercise, engage in a hobby, or whatever it is. As a result, it seems to me that sometimes the idea of self-care could be an over-simplification, not allowing for the different seasons and levels of service we may be called to in our lives.

I don’t think anything has taught me to serve more than motherhood. With each child that I have (currently I have three kids ages four and under), God calls me to more and more service, away from self and more towards Him. In Isaiah 53:12, it says that Jesus “poured out His life unto death.” Now I know that we as humans are NOT Jesus, but I also know that as disciples of Jesus we are called to a similar life of service and self-sacrifice. In Matthew 20:28 it says “whoever wants to be great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave.”

Somehow our culture makes it out to be that service is a bad thing and self-care is the “be all and end all,” but perhaps it’s not so simple. Perhaps service is a holy calling and perhaps self-care will come at the right time and in the right way, but without our constant demands for it.  

At the same time, I do think self-care is important and healthy, and no matter what season of life, we can always prioritize being healthy–in big ways OR in small ways. Currently in my life, I want to take the pressure and guilt off of myself, and I want to pray specific prayers like, “God, please let me know the right time to get back to the same level of fitness, and help me to have peace with that time frame.” OR “God, please tell me what is a realistic exercise plan for this stage of my life and give me the self-discipline to stick with it.”

Also, if I am “pouring from an empty cup,” then my prayer could be:

“Lord, please FILL MY CUP in ways that only YOU know how. Perhaps this season of service (with smaller aspects to self-care) will help me to rely MORE on You, Jesus, and LESS on myself.”

To quote the hymn, “Fill my cup, Lord, fill it up and make me whole.”