Blaming vs. Praying

“He must become greater; I must become less.” John 3:30

As a mother, I often feel like I am “failing” or “falling short” in some way. Sometimes it hits me multiple times a day…

It could be that I notice another one of my son’s weaknesses, which I immediately blame myself for. I think, “Maybe I should’ve held him more and he wouldn’t be so fussy” or “Maybe I should’ve disciplined him more and he wouldn’t be so argumentative” or “Maybe I shouldn’t coddle him so much and he wouldn’t be so clingy.” You get the point. The list goes on and on. I often blame myself for any and all of the shortcomings of my children.

I also often blame myself for any mess within the home. I think, “Man, I should’ve found more time to clean more of the house today” or “Man, why can’t I keep up with the dishes better? Something’s not right if I always have a sink full of dirty dishes.”

Other things that I may blame myself for: not spending enough time in play with my children, not ignoring my children enough, letting my kids watch too much TV, not reading enough to my kids, letting my kids snack, not making them enough healthy meals, not disciplining them enough or in the right way, and the list goes ON AND ON.

Before becoming a parent, I never found myself blaming myself for SO many things in my life! It seems that if something isn’t right on the mark with my children, my marriage, or my home, then I blame myself.

But here’s the thing…maybe God doesn’t expect perfection – in my marriage, in my parenting, or in my home. As John 3:30 depicts, “He must become greater; I must become less.” Maybe through it all, He expects more of HIM and less of ME. That means more of His GRACE and more of His ABILITY (not mine).

In other words, when I notice a weakness in some area of my child, my marriage, or my home, instead of beating myself up for it, I need to surrender that issue to immediately to Him.

For example, my prayer could be, “Dear God, I see that my child has an issue of indulgence. Please sanctify Him of this issue. Please guide me in effective ways to manage this behavior, but ultimately I know that You are the one who changes hearts, not me. Therefore I surrender my son’s sin to You. Cover it with YOUR grace and restore Him to Your character. I give him to You. Amen.”

If I notice a weakness within myself, yes I need to always strive to improve, but I also need to extend myself more GRACE and also more TRUST. Instead of, “You should’ve done better or you should’ve known better,” I can pray, “Dear God, I know that I am not as firm as I need to be with my children sometimes, but I also know that You don’t shame me for that, so help me not to shame myself. I know that You are working in my life to sanctify me and grow me. Give me wisdom and discernment for when to be firm and when to be loving. Help me to be in tune with you as I go throughout the day. Help me to continue to strive for growth in this area, without giving in to a sense of shame and doubt. Grow me in my firmness and consistency in discipline. I trust You in this process. And in the meantime, make up the difference in the characters of my children. In Your name I pray, Amen.”

As a parent, we are often tempted to take the place of God – by casting judgment on ourselves and on our children, by taking responsibility for every little thing, and so on. But at the end of the day, we need to remember that we are NOT God. Rather, we are simply broken vessels that He uses. The more we surrender our selves, our marriages, and our children to God, the more He can finish the work.

Lately, I have really been convicted on this point – that I do way too much thinking and not enough praying. All day long I need to utter prayers of confession and prayers of surrender. After all, prayer is so much more effective than blaming myself for things.

Going forward, may I do more PRAYING and less BLAMING. May my home be filled with more of Him and less of me.