Diligence vs. Control

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Jesus Christ.” Philippians 4:6-7

As mothers, God created us to be attentive and detail-oriented in the care of our children. Whether it’s remembering their favorite color or toy, how they like their back scratched or booboo kissed, or how they act when they are hungry or tired, we are usually in sync with our child’s wants and needs. In fact, I would also say that God put this burden on our hearts to care about all of these little details, and so many times we moms are very diligent in the care of our children. The problem comes when that diligence leads us to obsessively worry, or to try to control the outcome of a particular situation.

For example, my third child is 14 months old and has always had trouble eating well and gaining good weight. Whenever we take her to a routine doctor’s appointment, the doctors are always concerned about her weight and constantly give us suggestions on how to feed her so that she will gain more weight. Many times the doctors make us feel that we are in charge of her weight, or that it is our fault that she is so far below the weight curve. In reality, as parents we can only try our best in giving her fattening foods, feeding her often, giving her supplements or Pediasure, taking her to doctor’s appointments for weight checks, and so on. Beyond that, we just have to pray and trust God that He will help her to eat well and gain the appropriate weight.

For one of these feeding interventions, I would wake Ava up and give her a “dream feed” around 9pm each night.  After doing this feeding for Ava’s first 14 months of life, I finally felt like God was saying that I could drop this feeding, or perhaps that I even “should” drop this feeding as a way of trusting Him. It was so hard to drop this feeding for several reasons. For one thing, she ate really well at this feeding, and for another thing, it was a safety net for me, something that I could do to feel that I was somehow “in control” of her feeding/weight gain issues. The weird part though was that she wasn’t gaining good weight, even with this feeding, and I was so burned out with doing it. As a result, I decided to give it a try and let go of this feeding, at least for a few days. Over those few days I had quite a bit of anxiety, wondering if I had done the right thing, or if I was being selfish or lazy as a mother. But then I started to pray, “Lord, if you want me to give Ava this feeding, then please wake her up and let her cry for it.” Surely God could do such a simple thing. But you know what? Prior to dropping the feeding, she would sometimes cry for it, but after dropping the feeding, she didn’t cry for it. I felt like this was God’s way of saying, “I got this. Just trust me.” It was His way of calming my mind and giving me peace through this difficult transition. A couple weeks later, and I’m still trusting God through all of this, that He will help Ava to eat well and gain good weight, despite dropping this nighttime feeding. And believe it or not, it does seem that she has gained half a pound or so since dropping this feeding. Praise God! He created Ava and He certainly can help her to gain weight more than any intervention that I could do, or anyone else for that matter.

Reflecting on this whole ordeal, I’ve learned that as mothers, sometimes God asks us to be diligent and to pay attention to the detailed care of our children, but other times He asks us to let go of something, something we are holding on to, something that we think will fix a particular situation or outcome, but in reality, God is the ONLY one who can completely control outcomes. So the next time you find yourself obsessing, worrying, or burned out, ask yourself, “Is it time to let go and trust God with this?” In so doing, I believe that God will give you peace AND that you will be pleasantly surprised on a BETTER outcome than you could have even imagined. Just trust God and let it go.