“Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” (Romans 12:2)
Being a mom for the last few years, and currently a mom of three, one thing I’ve realized is that often it is not the actual situation with my child that gets me upset, but rather how I interpret the situation. Let me explain. Here’s an example. If my child wakes up at night, many times it is not the actual waking up that gets me so anxious and upset, but rather it is the distorted or negative thoughts that I have relating to them waking up. For instance, maybe the thought, “Oh great, now they won’t go back to sleep for a long time” OR “Oh great, now I won’t know how to put them back to sleep” OR “Oh great, now I’m going to be tired and have a horrible day tomorrow.” These thoughts are the source of my anxiety, not the child’s night waking.
This concept is supported by scripture and by modern psychology. In Romans 12:2, Paul says “be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” In 2 Corinthians 10:5 Paul says to “take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ.” And finally, in John 8:32 Jesus Himself says “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” All of these verses talk about the importance of addressing the lies in your head and replacing them with God’s truth.
Modern psychology also supports this idea. Many research studies have shown Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to be the most effective type of counseling for many different types of mental illness, some of which include anxiety and depression. This type of therapy is all about identifying negative or distorted thought patterns and replacing them with more positive or rational thought patterns. I use this type of therapy most often when I counsel people.
Relating to this supported concept and idea, I would now like to identify and replace some of the common lies (or categories of lies) of motherhood.
“I’m incapable.”
Perhaps the most common lies for me (pertaining to motherhood) have always centered around the core belief of “I’m incapable,” which many times leads to the feelings of ANXIETY. So for me many times this lie says, “I won’t know what to do if this were to happen.” So using the previous example…”I won’t know what to do if my child wakes up and won’t go back to sleep.” I could replace this negative belief with, “If my child wakes up, I will figure out what to do. God will show me what to do.” In turn, saying this to myself would offer peace and confidence in place of anxiety.
“I can’t make it.”
Another big lie for me centers around this idea of “I can’t make it” OR “It’s awful and I can’t handle it,” which many times leads to DISCOURAGEMENT. Usually this lie relates to bad days of little sleep, temper tantrums, needy children, etc. So perhaps if I’m really tired one day, I’m saying to myself, “I won’t be able to get through this day feeling so tired.” This thought makes me feel quite discouraged. Instead, I could quote the Bible verse, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Phil. 4:13), and I can replace the negative thought with, “God will give me the strength to endure.” In turn, this would give me encouragement and joy.
“I have failed.”
This last thought relates to the times when I lose my temper or fail my child in some way. As a result, I often think to myself, “Oh no, I’ve failed, and now my child will suffer because of it,” which many times leads to DESPAIR or SHAME. Instead, I can claim the Bible verse, “My weakness is made perfect in His strength.” I can replace the thought with, “I made a mistake, but God forgives me, and with His help I can do better next time.” In turn, this can help me to feel encouraged and joyful.
In summary, next time you feel anxious, discouraged, or ashamed, remember that it is your thoughts, not the situation, that is making you feel that way. Also make sure to identify the negative or distorted thoughts that could be leading to these negative feelings. And then claim a Bible verse and replace those thoughts as quickly as possible. In so doing, may you find more peace, encouragement, confidence, and joy. May your mind be renewed, and may God’s truth set you free, mama.