In only being a mother for three years, I can already see how much moms compare themselves to other moms. It’s easy to look at another mom and think, “Wow, she is so structured, neat, and tidy. Wish I could be more that way.” OR “Wow, she is so fun and playful. With I could lighten up a bit.” But let me ask, is it helpful to compare yourself to another mom? Or does it just make you feel worse about yourself?
Instead of parenting according to your weaknesses, why not parent according to your strengths? If I were to ask you, what are your strengths as a parent/mom, would you be able to answer accurately? In order to develop this self-awareness, it might be good for you to take a personality test, such as the Myers-Briggs Personality Test, or Jung Typology. You can find this free test at the following link: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp.
After you take the personality test, then I would suggest reading the type descriptions, as they relate to your parenting style: https://www.psychologyjunkie.com/2017/08/22/myers-briggs-personality-type-like-mom/ OR https://www.mightymoms.club/mothers/mothering-style/
Possible parenting strengths relating to personality types may include: structure, discipline, independence, teaching, guidance, affection, nurture, understanding, patience, love, imaginative, creative, playful, etc.
Personally speaking, I have an ENFP personality type, so I enjoy fun and adventure with my children. My strengths as a parent tend to be patience, play, and understanding, while my weaknesses tend to be discipline, chores, and independence.
Now that I’m aware of this information, I can work to maximize my strengths and minimize my weaknesses. For example, since I enjoy playing with my children, I can try to incorporate play into our daily activities, and not feel bad about it! I can also use my creativity to come up with fun games. Since I hate doing the chores, perhaps I can try to make a game out of that as well, and also involve my children in chores as much as possible. Or maybe even hire a housekeeper, and not feel bad about it, ha!
I think a big secret is learning to ACCEPT yourself – the good, the bad, and the ugly. The truth is that I will never be a great housekeeper, so I need to stop beating myself up about it. The other truth is that I am great at spending time with and listening to my children, and I need to affirm myself more for these great qualities.
Parenting is already hard enough. It’s time that we as mothers stop beating ourselves up and gives ourselves the grace and affirmation that we seek to give to our children.
For additional resources, consider ordering the book “MotherStyles” by Janet Penley, which you can find on Amazon. Another free assessment that can help you to narrow down your strengths as a parent, such as the one provided by Focus on the Family at the following website: https://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/seven-traits/
Feel free to comment below with your personality type as it relates to your parenting strengths, and/or a resource that you’d recommend!