Perfectly Imperfect

The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17

One of my children has had some ongoing health issues, and sad to say, but sometimes it has caused me to look at her differently. Some days I focus so much on one of her health issues (ex. bigger leg, poor weight gain, etc.) that I lose sight of all of her other positive traits (ex. good temperament, humor, etc.). Doing this causes me to fret and worry about her rather than just enjoy her and our time together.

Similarly, in general as a parent to all three of my kids, some days I find myself fretting or worrying about any and all of their bad qualities or traits. I think, “Man, why is he so selfish?” or “How do I get him to listen better?” or “How could he be so mean to his brother?” And when I focus on these negative qualities, my child usually ends up acting worse and our day together just gets worse by the minute.

In the past, I have struggled to understand or fully accept the phrase, “You’re perfect just the way you are” because I think about how we are all sinful and none of us are perfect just the way we are. And maybe I think about how this phrase could lead to our justification of certain predispositions or tendencies that are hurtful to others. That being said, now that I’m a parent, I view this statement differently. Rather than it signifying that someone is perfect, I think it signifies unconditional love and acceptance, not just in romantic love relationships, but also in parental love relationships.

If I say to my daughter and/or sons, “You’re perfect just the way you are,” it means that I love them WITH their flaws, rather than DESPITE their flaws, which to me is way more meaningful. It doesn’t mean that I love their flaws, but it does mean that I love and accept ALL of them, rather than just a portion of them. It means that my love for them is not dependent on their perfect health or perfect disposition, but on their uniqueness and individuality, including the more difficult parts of them. It means that I love them for who they are now, and not just for who they will become in the future.

Have you ever heard of The Pygmalion Effect (aka Self-Fulfilling Prophecy)? It is a term used in Social Psychology to show how we rise or fall according to others’ thoughts and expectations of us. In my Social Psychology class in graduate school, I remember discussing research studies where students would perform much better in class for the teachers who believed in them than for the teachers who didn’t.

This topic also reminds me of God and His amazing love for us. In Zephaniah 3:17 we read that the Lord takes “great delight” in us and rejoices over us with singing. If I rejoice over something, I don’t just tolerate it. If I rejoice over something, I’m excited about it! Here’s the thing…I believe that God has this unique ability to love and fully accept us as we are now, and yet also motivate us to grow in Him. In my relationship with God, I know that I make better choices on the days that I truly see and realize His love and grace vs. the days when I may see Him in a more negative light. Let me ask you something, do you rejoice and sing over your children? If you did, how much better do you think they would act and behave?

Remember, grace changes US, and grace will change our CHILDREN. So today let’s choose to love our children more fully and completely than ever before, through the power of God’s grace. Let’s see them as perfectly imperfect and decide to focus on their positive traits more than their negative traits. Let’s truly rejoice and sing over them, over ALL of them.