I’ve never felt so overwhelmed as I have since becoming a stay-at-home mom (SAHM). Currently I have two boys (2 years old and 7 months old) and many days it’s all I can do just to get through the day. Staying at home may not be the high intensity type of stress as a medical or corporate job. However, it is the constant, no break nature of the job that makes it so stressful – constant demands of your time, energy, and attention. Whether it’s cleaning up a mess or responding to a child’s cry, you are needed 24/7. You don’t get a break to eat, sleep, or even use the bathroom. (In fact, these necessities of life become luxuries when done alone.)
In addition, you don’t have time for your previous coping strategies. For example, maybe you used to cry when you felt overwhelmed, and now you don’t even have five minutes to yourself to sit down and cry. As a result, many SAHM moms often end up feeling drained and overwhelmed.
So if you are a SAHM (or any kind of mom), here are a few tips to help when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Many of these I have either learned from experience, or from the advice of other women who have been mothers much longer than I have.
- Turn to the Lord – pray for patience and strength all day everyday. Also, quote Bible verses regarding God’s provision and the strength He provides. For example, “My Grace is sufficient for thee” (2 Cor. 12:9) helps me when I’m feeling overwhelmed. (Refer to my page on my favorite Bible verses that I quote when I’m feeling overwhelmed.)
- Take daily breaks – if possible, take at least one break every day, and by “break” I mean time alone and without the children. Maybe it’s during naptime or maybe it’s when your husband gets home. Even if it’s just thirty minutes of sitting in your car and reading a book while you sip a hot drink, take the break. If you don’t, you will lose your sanity and patience. Just a short amount of time away from the kids can revive and renew your spirit. And for the days that you don’t have time for breaks, drink in each of the three quiet minutes here and there throughout the day. During those fleeting moments, make time slow down by closing your eyes, taking a deep breath, and sipping on your drink. Trust me, it works!
- Leave the house – As a SAHM, I’ve learned to leave my house at least once a day on most days. Otherwise I end up feeling more overwhelmed due to a messy house and kids that are bored and acting out. It also helps my sanity to get out of the house and see the bigger picture. If it’s nice out, go to a park or on a walk. If it’s raining or snowing, go to the play area at a fast food restaurant (ex. McDonald’s, Burger King) or the nearest mall, or you can go to the children’s section in the library. If you live in a bigger city, consider investing in a yearly pass to the local children’s museum, zoo, or aquarium.
- Look at happy photos – sometimes on the hardest of days it really helps me to look at happy photos of my children (or me with my children) to remember that they are happy and also to remember how much I really do love them 🙂
- Make a to do list – when household chores and errands feel overwhelming, get out a pen and a paper and write them down one by one. And just tackle one chore or errand at a time. Some days all you will get done is one thing, and that’s okay. Some days you’re tired and in survival mode, and you’re a hero for just keeping the kids alive.
- Lower your expectations – it’s hard to feel very productive when you are caring for children all day every day. It’s an odd feeling to constantly feel busy and overwhelmed and yet to have few completed tasks to check off a list at the end of the day. As a result, I have learned to lower my expectations for productivity (which is difficult for me). Otherwise, I end up feeling more overwhelmed with long to do lists of uncompleted tasks.
- End of day relaxing – if you’re able to (like don’t have to work a job), have a cut off time at night where you stop working and stop doing the chores. Because you are a SAHM, your home is your work place, and so you need to have boundaries with work at home, or you will be working 24/7 and never relax.
- Set boundaries – with kids, husband, friends, family, acquaintances, etc. It’s okay to not answer your phone, cancel a play date, or to say no to people more often. It’s also ok to even say no to holding church offices. While I strongly believe in ministering to others and being involved in your local church, I also believe that being a mother to young kids is the highest calling and greatest ministry.
- Ask for help – some mothers have trouble asking for help, but it takes a village to raise children, so ask for help whenever you can, and especially when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Develop a support group and turn to them often. This could include your husband, parents, in-laws, siblings, friends, etc. It also may include paying a sitter to come watch the kids for a couple hours so that you can get some things done around the house. In the end, it is worth the extra money, if you have it.
- Phone a friend – many days when I’m feeling very overwhelmed, I like to phone my sister or best friend. Confiding in them about my stress or just laughing with them about silly things often takes my mind off of the overwhelming feelings.
- Listen to music – on the hardest of days, I turn to music. I will either try to sing a soft, calming Christian song (which helps to calm me and my children down) or I will listen to a similar type of song. Sometimes the words of the song speak directly to me, and I know that God is calming and uplifting my spirit.
- Buy a Bluetooth – When you have to clean up messes and carry children all day, it helps to have a hands-free device. Being able to plug into my phone wirelessly has really helped me on the hardest of days. Sometimes I’ll call a girl friend; other times I’ll just listen to my uplifting music in one ear while I listen to and respond to child needs in the other ear.
- Exercise – If you’re able to, try to do some sort of exercise at least a couple times during the week. It really helps with those overwhelming feelings, and it may actually give you a break from the kids! Consider a gym membership with a daycare program, or commit to walking/running with them in the stroller.
- Time-outs – sometimes it’s perfectly appropriate for you to take a time-out from your kids, which sometimes means that you may have to lay them in a safe place, like their crib or bed, and let them cry for awhile while you go into the other room. Alternatively, someone suggested to me to take the kids for a drive as a way of giving yourself a time-out.
- Calming slogan – repeat to yourself silently or even out loud so the kids can hear some sort of calming slogan (ex. “Everything is all right” or “Everybody just calm down”), and remember to say it in a soft, slow, calming sort of way. It can really help to lower the blood pressure and the intensity of the moment!
- Be confident – one of the hardest things for me as a mom is to believe that, with God’s help, I will be able to handle the most difficult situations. As a result, many times I psych myself out and feel more overwhelmed by perceived or actual situations than I should. Remember that you are not alone and God is right by your side. My favorite verse to claim is Isaiah 41:10 where God says, “I will strengthen you and help you.” That’s a promise. Claim it!
- Temporary – try to view the hardest situations (ex. temper tantrums, teething, sickness) as temporary. Usually these child phases last a few weeks or months and then you’re on to the next challenge. Come up with some sort of mantra, like “This too shall pass” or “Nothing lasts forever”…whatever helps you to keep it in perspective.
Please comment below with what you do when you’re feeling overwhelmed, or how one of these tips has helped you!