“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)
Until two years ago, I never understood bitterness – bitter thinking, bitter people and how they became that way. But after the trials in my life over the past two years, I have begun to understand. Difficult times are what can make you bitter – the part of your life where one hardship hits you right after another. It’s like you can’t catch a break. Perhaps you can make sense of the first trial, but what about the second, the third, and so on. Maybe you’re not even angry with God, but something in you just breaks and you no longer see people or the world in the same positive way. Life just seems hard, and you are left feeling isolated, alone, and confused.
Over the last two years my husband and I have experienced a lot – a cross-country move, flooded apartment, displaced housing, pregnancy complications, caring for three kids under the age of four, baby daughter’s health issues, hospitalized for covid, my own health issues, and more recently, my father’s death. It’s been a difficult two years that have been hard to understand. As each new trial comes, I find myself becoming stronger, but yet harder too. I have never gotten angry at God, but I have felt that it hasn’t been fair. There have been times that I have found myself bitter, and even jealous of others who aren’t experiencing the exact same trials.
My lingering question has been, how do people face suffering and NOT become bitter? Perhaps not bitter at God, but bitter with life or bitter with people. I’ve seen Christians who are close to God but have determined that this world is terrible and have developed a cynical view of people and the world. As Christians, how do we face suffering and yet not become bitter towards God, this life, or other people? Does bitterness only come when we become angry at God? Or can it take root in our hearts in other ways as well?
My daughter is a year and a half, and I think a part of me has been bitter about her health issues that she and I have faced together over the last year and a half. Perhaps I have felt that it has been unfair and wished for different, more normal circumstances. And then it hit me, even though I haven’t been angry at God, I definitely have not been thanking Him for these trials/hardships.
In 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, Paul says “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in ALL circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” The “will of God” for me? for my daughter? That is a hard pill to swallow, and yet one that I must accept. It’s okay for me to grieve the loss of not having a perfectly healthy daughter, but at some point I need to accept this trial as God’s will for me and for Ava, and I need to get to the point where I actually THANK GOD for the trial. Otherwise, I end up bitter and feeling that it is not fair, for me or for Ava.
In 1 Peter 4:12-13, Peter says, “Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice in as much as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when His glory is revealed.” Wow, this describes me well because I have been very “surprised” by all the trials over the last two years, definitely not expecting them or embracing them. And I admit that I have not been rejoicing in these trials. Once again, perhaps bitterness doesn’t just come from being angry at God (I have not been angry at Him), but simply by not rejoicing in the trials that He gives you.
In James 1:2-4, James says “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” Do I count it as “joy” for Ava to have had these health problems? Perhaps if I would claim it as joy then it wouldn’t take root as bitterness.
So here’s what I’ve determined…in order to NOT become bitter by trials, it’s not enough to passively not become angry with God. In order to not become bitter, you must actively embrace the trial – thank God for it, rejoice in the trial.
You are rejoicing in the trial for multiple reasons: 1) Because you know that all things work together for good (Romans 8:28) 2) Because you know that trials produce perseverance and character (James 1:2-4; Romans 5:3-5) and 3) Because we are closer to Christ when we suffer (1 Peter 4:12-13).
Also, when you thank God for the trial, something in your heart changes, as it causes you to focus less on the trial and more on His love and goodness. It shifts your focus from “Poor me” to “I trust Him” and “He loves me.” It helps to keep your heart soft towards God, towards life, and towards others. So next time you find yourself in hard times, grieve the heartache and the loss (He is the great Comforter), but also take time to thank God and to rejoice, for this is “the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” (1 Thess. 5:18)